I HAVE THREE WORDS THAT WILL BRING JOY TO YOUR HEART:
little league quidditch
#all brooms fly like 3 feet off the ground#the bludgers are stuffed animals#keepers often get distracted by clouds#the seekers are better at playing tag than catching the snitch#games are over when it’s naptime
A second friend of mine in six months has been outed as an emotional and sexual abuser. I honestly think I need to figure out how to process that personally.
But I do think Olga did the right and brave thing by sharing what happened between her and Tom. The kneejerk reaction she has faced, with people picking apart the other criticisms of him in order to possibly invalidate her story, and accusing her of “trying to ruin someone’s life”, should make us seriously rethink the way we respond to potential victims of abuse when they have the courage to come forward; especially when people we look up to are involved.
What Milsom did is disgusting and awful. His talent, charisma, intelligence, and certainly not his large online following excuses what he did. So far I’ve been friendly acquaintances with a total of 5 sexual abusers when that number should be 0. 4 of which were my peers in the YouTube community and I want nothing to do with these people. Remember that they deserve to be ostracized and that it’s never the victims’ fault. Internet celebrities are far from infallible and should not be admired as such. Do whatever you have to do to be safe and feel safe.
I met Olga in 2010 at VidCon. She was a very smart, very clever, very cool young woman. I thought it was weird (but kinda cool) that Tom had found a cool fan who could hold her own with a bunch of the top-tier VidCon folks and let her behind the curtain a little bit.
It never occurred to me that it would become more than that. And though I knew Olga remained part of that social sphere, I had no inkling that they had become a couple. I am horrified and extremely disappointed in myself that I was not able to realize that this was happening and put a stop to it…maybe even before it started.
I won’t comment on the specifics of this relationship because that isn’t my place. But the more fact that it existed infuriates me…sexual relationships need to be equitable and they can’t be when people are in dramatically different life stages or when one person enters the relationship as a fan of another.
I haven’t said anything about this today because I just don’t know what to say. Tom was my friend. I looked up to him…I trusted him. I am furious…that’s all I can feel right now.
My only consolation is that I honestly believe these issues are coming to light in this community not because they are more common, but because we are more empowered to speak out and not hide from or cover them up.
And that’s excellent, because you cannot fix a problem if you do not face a problem.
I share Hank’s disappointment. (It’s not clear in Hank’s post, but he is referring to credible accusations concerning the musician and YouTuber Tom Milsom.)
I don’t know how to feel about this stuff except sad and angry, but I want to be public about my sadness and anger, because I don’t want to let this go unacknowledged.
I’ve written and deleted thousands of words about this today, and I’m grateful to Hank for saying most of what I wanted to say. Consenting adults: Go forth and do all the things! But the abuse of power we seem to see regularly in these manipulative fan/creator relationships is reprehensible and unacceptable. We are working hard to make sure that events we plan and endorse are as safe and secure as possible.
On a professional note, we continue to have a zero tolerance policy for abusive behavior by artists whose work is distributed by DFTBA Records, so his music is no longer for sale at DFTBA.